Dudley's community safety partnership dudleysafeandsound.org (2024)

Domestic abuse can be physical, sexual, financial, emotional, psychological. A person is being abused if they are scared to be themselves or they don’t do things because they fear what their partner might do.

Here are some examples of domestic abuse and signs someone is in an abusive relationship:

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• Physical– hitting, kicking, pushing, biting, strangling. You may notice bruises or other injuries and they may lie about how they received them

• Sexual – forcing them to make or view unwanted videos or photos of a sexual nature, rape;

• Financial – controlling their finances, not allowing them to have any money or a job;

• Emotional – calling the person nasty names, making them feel they are useless and can’t do anything right. Partner withholds affection.

• Psychological - the person may be very scared, nervous or distracted. The abuser can make threats to harm the person, making them scared to go anywhere or do anything.

Incidents may involve physical assault, damage to property, bullying, harassment, verbal abuse or insults, offensive graffiti or letters /text messages/ emails/ comments over social media.

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Anyone can experience domestic abuse. It happens to women and men; young and older people; straight and LGBTQ and people of all ethnicities and religions. Some victims may be at higher risk e.g. those who need help to care for themselves.

• You may notice that their appearance has changed;

• They are less confident or behave differently when their partner is there;

• They may cancel plans/spend less time with you;

• If they are out with you, they may receive texts or calls from their partner all the time they are with you and may need to leave suddenly;

• They may be taking more time off sick from work than usual;

• They may be more tearful, angry, anxious, confused and feeling low;

• They may have physical injuries;

• They may give excuses for frequent injuries;

• They may be using different ways to cope with the abuse e.g. increased alcohol or drug use

• They blame themselves for the abuse and feel it’s their fault;

• The person has said their partner is jealous and controlling;

• They aren’t visiting you or their friends or coming to the usual planned family gatherings or work events they would normally attend;

• They are always picked up and dropped off wherever they go, and the partner gets angry if the person is late;

• They don’t call you or they don’t call you as much as they used to and there isn’t a good reason;

• They must ‘check in’ with their partner at specific times;

• They aren’t using social media e.g. Facebook as often as they would do normally and there isn’t a good reason why.​

• a person experiencing domestic abuse may:

• feel like everything is their fault and they are walking on eggshells waiting for something to happen;

• be scared for their safety and the safety of their children

• think that if they change for their partner the abuse will stop

• a long time before they talk to you about what they are experiencing. They may not know what to say or how to describe what they are feeling - give them time to open up

• still love their partner and hope they will change.

• If you are worried about someone you could say “I am worried about you because….’’ or “I am worried about your safety’’

• Believe what they are saying and help them build their confidence;

• Encourage them to make decisions at the right time for them;

• If safe to do so, report anything that happens to their GP or the police.

• tell them what to do;

• get in the middle of the relationship or mediate for them;

• put pressure on them to leave the relationship.

• Offer to keep a set of keys, important documents such as passports, benefit books, a set of clothes and money in case the person needs to leave quickly;

• If the person has been hurt offer to go to the hospital with them, to their GP or another professional they can talk to, like a counsellor;

• Help them to talk to/visit Dudley’s SPOC to find out how they can help

For help and support call Dudley borough’s single point of contact (SPOC) 01384 455411 (24 hours), text or WhatsApp 07384 466181 (9am to 9pm weekdays).

More information on help and support for victims of domestic abuse.